06-30-2003: If I ever become wealthy, I hope I don't automatically turn into an asshat too.

Pop's Sunset Grill in Nokomis, Florida, has been a venue for live music for several decades. Many musicians have made the resturant a habit, returning week after week for years at a time. Until now, of course.

Because now, rich guy and card-carrying asshat Larry Johnson built a million-dollar home next door, and he doesn't like the noise.

Let me repeat that for you folks in the cheap seats: Johnson built a home literally next door to a resturant and night club and he doesn't like the noise. He complained multiple times to Sarasota County officials, and they ordered the music to stop.

And get this - Gordon Flach, owner of Pop's, even let Johnson park construction vehicles in the parking lot during the construction of his house, and he never once complained about the noise then. Bonus asshat points!

So, today's AOTD award goes to Larry Johnson, rich guy and asshat. Read David Hackett's story in the Herald Tribune for more information on how big of an asshat Johnson really is.

06-29-2003: Today, Stinkweasel staff members are gettin' exotic - today's AOTD is from the the southwestern province of Guizhou, China.

Zhou Kun was a renouned police officer, sometimes hailed as a hero of anti-drug operations. Kun even received a national award in 2000 for his contributions to China's own fight against drugs.

Too bad Kun was also trafficking drugs himself. According to the Reuters story (Reuters has since removed the original story from their site), Kun was arrested in January after two members of a trafficking ring were arrested and they fingered him as their boss.

According to the official Xinhua news agency, Kun will be prosecuted for trafficking heroin. Man, there's nothing worse than a dirty cop.

06-27-2003: Happily bobbing along on the shallow waters of the gene pool...

Today, we follow ClearChannel and the Associated Press' story to Neillsville, Wisconsin, for today's AOTD award. And yes, it's another one of those that makes you smack your forehead and mutter "Oh. My. God."

A man enters a pharmacy, intending to rob it and make off with the cash. So, for a weapon, what do you think he brings with him? Choose from the following:

1. A bazooka
2. A machine gun
3. A flamethrower
4. His own gloved hand, formed into the shape of a gun

If you can't figure this one out on your own, the staff at Stinkweasel asks you to please stop reproducing now.

So, he points his .. "gun" .. not hiding it under his jacket or anything .. and attempts to rob the store. The owner wrestles him to the ground, thwarting the robbery attempt. The man is later picked up at a friend's house.

Many thanks to contributing editor Mr. M for the pointer to this genius.

06-26-2003: With great power, comes great .. Oh wait, that's been done before.

Iowa Senator Tom Harkin pulled a boner in front of a lot of common, ordinary citizens last Friday. He was running late for a flight out of Washington DC, and he had some important appointments to attend in Des Moines.

So, as almost any redblooded politician would do, he used his clout to skip to the front of the security line, leaving a lot of people still waiting. Does this surprise you? It doesn't surprise me.

However, what might surprise you is who I'm giving today's AOTD award to. The Senator arrived fifteen minutes before a flight out of Reagan National. That in itself should nominate Harkin - that's just poor planning, or not being able to say no to someone. But no, Harkin isn't today's AOTD.

Today's AOTD award goes to the security folks that let him get away with it. Now, I know what you're thinking - they're low paid federal employees that really shouldn't be pissing off a Senator, but too bad. It was the good Senator's fault that he didn't leave enough time to board a plane during pre-9-11 times, let alone in Reagan National under tighter security. Senators have to take their lumps too, you know.

So, today's reluctant AOTD goes to the security folks that let him cut the line. I understand why they did it, I just wish they hadn't. "I"m sorry sir, but we can't let you cut in line in front of about 200 of your constituents" would have done nicely.

The Omaha World-Journal has a story about this, as well as the Washington Post's "The Reliable Source" gossip column (this specific story has been removed from the Washington Post's site).

06-25-2003: Come back to me, baby...

Willie Williams of Peekskill, New York, wanted to get back together with his ex-girlfriend, whom he had a child with. As often happens, they got into an argument and fought for a while.

What doesn't often happen is what asshat Williams allegedly did - he dangled his 10-month-old daughter out the window, eventually letting her fall seven stories.

WTF?!?!

Can you believe the baby survived? She did, and she squeaked through with only cuts and bruises, after crashing through some trees on the way down to the ground.

According to CNN's story (the original story has been removed from CNN's site), Williams is being charged with attempted murder, along with a few other charges. The staff at Stinkweasel would like to ask Williams to not reproduce any more - his stupidity is one of the traits better culled from the human gene.

06-24-2003: I'm back. Camping rocks.

Today's AOTD award goes to an upstanding member of the community in a Kansas City suburb. Well, OK, so he's not really an upstanding member - he's already in jail. He really wants to be out of jail, and he wants it badly enough to pull one of the most cruel scams I've ever heard of.

Cleophus Jones is his name. And scamming widows is his game. In a recent bid to try to get out of jail on bond, he contacted a woman that was recently widowed, claiming her late husband had had an affair with his mother, and he was their illegitimate child. He wanted his part of the life insurance payout.

How cruel is that? Calling a grieving woman, and claiming that her husband had been unfaithful and that he was an illegitimate child? And he allegedly sent more than twenty of these letters out to individuals and churches. KCTV has a story with the details.

Enjoy your jail time, Jones. Asshat.

06-18-2003: Sorry, folks, but I'm taking a few days off - I'm going camping for the weekend. I'll be back with a new AOTD and probably a new yak on Monday.

06-17-2003: A dog or cat, indeed. Today's AOTD brought to you by contributing editor Mr. M.

Saturday night was a bad night for Jim Reed, of Phoenix, Arizona. Reed was crossing a street and was hit by two separate cars. He died from his injuries. Both cars left the scene of the accident.

Following up on a partial license plate given by witnesses, police arrest Catholic Bishop Thomas O'Brien for leaving the scene of a fatal accident. O'Brien's windshield was caved in. In court documents, the bishop told police the thought he had hit a dog or a cat, or someone had thrown a rock at his car. That is one big damned dog.

And what if someone had thrown a rock at his car? The windshield was caved in. That is one big damned rock.

Check out the story at the Chicago Sun-Times (the original story has since been removed). I think O'Brien is one big damned liar.

06-16-2003: If at first you don't succeed, sometimes it's better to just quit.

David Thompson wanted a car. More importantly, he wanted someone else's car. He wanted someone else's 1996 Chrysler, to be exact. But when he tried to grab the keys from 65-year-old Richard Gambardella, Gambardella fought back. They finally ended up on the ground, with Gambardella taking a few shots to the body and face, but finally giving Thompson a boot to the teeth. He got into his car and screeched off, accidentally bumping Diane McKasty's car in the process.

McKasty didn't know there was an attempted carjacking, so she got out, surveying the damage. Thompson hopped in, slammed the door on McKasty's seven-year-old's finger, and took off. McKasty ran along side for a little ways, screaming about her children in the back seat. She finally fell and was dragged a short ways, but she's fine.

Now, little Peter McKasty is in the back seat with a stranger driving, a broken finger, and his nine-year-old sister Kristin. He's pissed. And so he starts yanking on Thompson's hair and screaming directly into his ear, until Thompson let him and his sister out of the car in the parking lot.

Thompson drives off, with a sore scalp and ringing in his ears. After shoplifting some items at a sporting goods store, he was finally arrested at a mall.

Today's AOTD award goes to Thompson, who after getting booted in the teeth by a 65-year-old man, and getting his ass kicked by a seven-year-old, didn't just call it a day.

UPDATE: I forgot the URL to the original story in Newsday.

06-15-2003: If you have a bone to pick, pick it with the right people, whattayasay?

Senator Larry Craig has a problem. You see, the United States Air Force promised the senator that they would station more transport planes at the Gowen Air National Guard base, if the base made improvements. That promise was made seven years ago.

According to the National Review's story, over forty million dollars has been spent on improvements. So, Craig now expects the USAF to follow up on their promise - something they have yet to do.

Right now, I bet you're thinking todays AOTD award is going to the USAF - but I have you fooled.

No, today's AOTD is going to the good senator for his method of persuasion - he has placed a hold on promotions within the Air Force. This is indeed his right as a United States senator - but is rarely used in the case of military promotions. And unfortunately, Craig's hold also effects USAF officers returning from recent combat duty in the Iraq conflict.

Keep in mind - this does not stop anyone's pay, or cancel any promotions - this is simply a hold on any advancements. But, these promotions are symbolic as well - much of the time, they're the Air Force's way of saying "You performed admirably in combat. Your country thanks you."

Is it his right? Yes. But I don't agree with his use of the policy to put peoples' careers on hold, especially for the ones returning from combat. And so, this is my right - today's AOTD award goes to Senator Larry Craig.

06-13-2003: I'm sure many of you remember Blair Hornstine, the young lady from New Jersey who sued to be named the sole valedictorian in her graduating class. Well, it takes a special sort of asshat (especially an individual) to be the lucky recipient of two AOTD awards!

You see, Hornstine won her case - she's the sole valedictorian. However, her federal discrimination suit is still pending - the suit where she's seeking up to $2.7 million dollars in compensatory and punitive damages.

But, that's still not reason enough to give her a second Asshat Of The Day award. No, I'm giving her a second AOTD because she's sued to become sole valedictorian, and she's skipping her graduation ceremony because she's afraid of how her classmates may react.

Rumors have circulated saying that classmates may have been planning on turning their backs on her, or booing.

Sorry, honey, if you're going to be callous enough to take a school to court to have fellow classmates removed from the list of valedictorians, so you can be the sole one, then you better have the balls to take the heat.

But no, she's going to stay home, where she's safe. It takes a pretty big girl to sue, and then run home to daddy when the going might get tough.

The Philidelphia Inquirer Online has a damned fine story about the entire saga. My favorite quote: "In Moorestown, Hornstine is not widely considered a champion of rights for the disabled, but a litigious overachiever with a powerful father willing to do anything to ensure his daughter got the top honor."

They forgot the "spoiled, whiny little bitch" part, in my opinion.

06-11-2003: You go too far, Pierre!

Important Safety Tip: If you're visiting Lourdes, don't try to stay at the bar past closing hours. It's too bad no one had told a group of British war heroes, visiting Lourdes on a religeous pilgrimage.

The group included veterans from many conflicts, including the recent Iraq conflict. Some were sick, some were in wheelchairs. It was the end of their trip, and they were celebrating.

Well, I guess they must have pissed someone off, because 30 French cops suddenly used three tear gas grenades on them, with no warning.

According to one of the veterans, no one asked the group to quiet things down, or to leave the hotel bar. Why, then, would the police suddenly burst in and gas the entire group?

Police commissioner Didier Ribeyrolle may have an answer to that. He said "The hotel showed a lax attitude to our by-laws. Some patrons may have been shocked by the methods used, but the rules must be respected." (quote from the Sun's story)

Yessir, you certainly earned everyone's respect by tear gassing a bunch of war heroes, Didier. Today's AOTD award goes to the valiant, courageous, eager police officers of Lourdes, France. Way to go, asshats.

06-10-2003: Today's report comes from the shallow end of the gene pool...

Anthony Kaleb Phillips was applying for a job with an Oklahoma construction company. However, when he arrived at the office, there were no employees present.

Pop quiz - do you now a) leave the office, to come back tomorrow in hopes of an interview, or b) snatch tools and items from an employee's car?

Or c) snatch tools and items from an employee's car AND come back tomorrow in hopes of an interview? I bet you can guess which one Phillips would have picked.

Phillips allegedly grabbed a $100 tool, as well as approximately $1000 from a car in the lot before he left. He then returned the next day for a job interview Unfortunately for him, his visit the previous day was on videotape. Reuters has the story.

Phillips didn't get the job. He did get a trip to the police station, though!

06-09-2003: I imagine Hillary Rosen probably has an orchestra follow her around, just so they can play "The Imperial March" from Star Wars when she walks into a room.

Today's asshat is none other than the beloved Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA). This band of jackals and lawyers have lobbied, bullied, and paid their way into the American legislature, passing laws giving them extraordinary powers when they can, and callously breaking laws when they cannot. And they continue to thumb their noses at the public, knowing they have more lawyers than anyone else. When it comes to the RIAA, they always win, because they have the most lawyers.

Jesse Jordan, a freshman at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in Troy, New York, wrote some software. His software allowed people to search for documents or files across the RPI campus. Essentially, Jordan wrote a search engine. Jordan's site, ChewPlastic.com, became the second most popular search directory on campus.

Someone cue the "Imperial March."

On April 3rd, 2003, Jordan got a call. He was being sued by the RIAA, the All-Powerful League Of Jackals And Lawyers, because he had "hijacked an academic network" and "installed an emporium for music trading." (quotes are from ABCNews' story, found here)

Keep in mind, Jordan wrote a search engine. He was sharing no files. He didn't limit or encourage the content, he simply made it searchable. But, because The All-Powerful League Of Jackals And Lawyers said he did a bad thing, he's now in a world of shit.

Jordan did the only thing he could do, when faced by a lawsuit from the RIAA - settle. And the terms of the settlement are amazing - the RIAA allowed him to admit no guilt (good thing, since he's not guilty of anything but writing a search engine), the RIAA agreed to dismiss the suit, but the RIAA is taking $12,000, his entire savings account. You know, since he didn't do anything, but the All-Powerful League Of Jackals And Lawyers says so.

Please read the two linked sites above. The RIAA is using their clout and lawyers to do whatever they want, while constantly thumbing their nose at the very consumers they need to remain in business. And like good little lemmings, we continue to buy their albums. In fact, their CD sales were up by almost 30% last year.

Better hope the RIAA doesn't come after you. Could you prove your innocence? And if so, would you still have to pay them off?

06-08-2003: The stainless steel prison toilet - nexus of all that is stupid.

A toilet seems like a harmless thing. It just sits there, it doesn't move around a lot, and it certainly doesn't say much. How, then, can a stainless steel toilet pursuade an inmate to stuff their arm down the drain, only to become hopelessly caught? I think there are two distinct possibilities:

1. Toilets are an intelligent, carnivorous race of alien beings from the star system Sigma Nine. They arrived on earth approximately one hundred years ago in their current form, to attempt to ensnare unwary humans.
2. Some humans are idiots, and they'll stick their arms in toilets because they're stupid.

I think the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette has come to the same conclusion I have - some humans are idiots.

On April 5th, 2003, an inmate at the Pine Grove correctional facility near Indiana, Pennsylvania, stuck his arm down his toilet drain. His arm quickly became trapped. Eventually, fire fighters had to use an air chisel to free the man's arm.

On June 3rd, an inmate by the name of Raymond Davenport told his fellow prisoners that he didn't believe the tale, sticking his arm down his own toilet to prove everyone wrong. Enter prison maintenance stage right, and eventually fire department stage left. An air chisel was once again involved.

I think Pine Grove should mount an air chisel inside a fire extinguisher case, with a sign reading "Break In Case Of Asshat."

06-06-2003: I have a real problem with people that beat their partners.

Take, for instance, today's asshat - a New Orleans area man by the name of Eugene Morales Jr. According to the story provided by the Times-Picayune, Morales and his wife got into an argument Saturday, June 1st. It quickly turned violent.

Morales allegedly punched her several times, dragged her down the hallway to the bathroom, hit her a few more times, before throwing her into the bathtub and beating her with a belt.

What was Jenny Morales' mistake? She was tired when she got home from work, and she snored too loud when she went to sleep. Morales told officers "his wife was snoring too loud when she fell asleep and it bothered him."

Luckily, Jenny is OK - she was treated for moderate injuries on the scene. Morales is facing an aggravated battery (felony) charge, as well as disturbing the peace (misdemeanor). See ya in about ten years, asshat.

06-05-2003: Just because you're rich, doesn't mean you're not a friggin' idiot.

Today's AOTD award is being given to Barbara Streisand. You see, Streisand is suing Kenneth Adelman for ten million dollars for posting aerial photographs of her estate on his website, a site dedicated to surveys of the California coastline and erosion patterns.

Quoting from Local 6's story, Adelman's site is ".. an informational site which catalogues the California coastline and documents its erosion and development." Great, so Streisand is suing a nerd. For ten million dollars.

In Streisand's complaint, her lawyers basically say that Adelman's photographs are violating her privacy, etc, etc, yadda. I wonder if Streisand and her league of lawyers realize that you can find satellite photographs of just about anything online?

And no, I'm not going to link to them here... I certainly can't afford to have her lawyers decend on my poor ass. And I'm guessing Adelman can't either.

This is what happens when the first thing people reach for when they're upset is their lawyer, rather than common sense.

06-04-2003: Important Safety Tip: If you're trying to steal copper wires, don't steal the live ones.

The Democrat Herald brings us the story of a thief on a mission. Details are sketchy as the person is still on the run.

Police arrived at a building between 8:30 and 8:45PM. They found burned clothes, burned gloves, and a charred piece of scalp with hair at the scene.

Police believe the thief was attempting to cut through an electrical cable, probably to sell the copper to a salvage yard. Unfortunately for someone, the cable was live with 440 volts, hence the chunk of smoldering scalp left behind.

The thief hasn't shown up at any local hospitals yet, but police are on the hunt. That only makes this unknown person more of an asshat - if you get yourself zapped bad enough to burn your clothes, gloves, and scalp, it's time to go to the emergency room.

06-03-2003: Sorry it's been a little while since the last update - I've been working some pretty insane hours.

Today, we travel halfway around the world to Amman, Jordan. Japanese journalist Hiroki Gomi was passing through an airport security checkpoint, when the X-ray machine detected a suspicious object.

The suspicious object was an unexploded cluster bomb from the war in Iraq.

Immediately, a guard searched the bag, triggering the munition. The resulting detonation killed the guard, as well as wounding three others.

According to cnews, Gomi was sentenced to 1 1/2 years in prison for negligence resulting in the guard's death, as well as damage to airport property. Gomi claims he didn't know the bomblet was live.

Well, ain't that just tough nuts? I don't care if he thought it was live or not - an innocent man was killed by Gomi's "souvenir." And get this - they found a second bomblet in luggage belonging to his Jordanian translator, Abdul-Salam Hilweh. Gomi had given it to him.

My condolences to the family and friends of the security guard, who died because of another's stupidity.